You know we all had an "A" list that we looked up to growing up. And we all had a "C" list that we looked down upon. So that means we all end up in the "B" list. Remember in Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion, one of the girls that felt left out excitedly exclaimed that, "wow, she made someone else's life miserable!"
Still I find myself comparing my life to those around me. I used to think that I actually COULD make a way to fit in with friends, even as a single parent. However, the bitter truth is finally dawning upon me....it's easier said than done.
I went to my small group from church tonight for the last time. I am saddened but also realize that my energy needs to be spent on taking care of myself and my children. I remember praying for this small group to find a place to "fit in"....or as my old church used to say...."a place to land"....to call home.
It was nice to meet other families that were raising children of the same ages as mine. It was great to hear that not only do I struggle with the daily discipline, but others do too. Yes, the stay-at-home moms could relate to the work load of raising children by themselves while their husbands are at work all day and travel alot for their jobs.
But it's still different.
The ladies can call each other up and meet for lunch with the kids...they have friendship that allows for that. They can discuss the woes of marriage. They have alot in common. I guess you could say these ladies are my "A" list. A group that I can't quite compete.
I am single, but a parent. I have been married, but now single. I am a parent, but no spouse. I am single, but not a "never-been-married-without-kids" single.
Sitting with the ladies tonight, we can all laugh about how let down we feel when an underwire breaks, causing us to buy another one. But do they KNOW what it's really like to HAVE to BUY another one? I know the ones in my small group don't. Their husbands bring in the money, and they raise the kids. That's their setup. They don't really have to worry about how they are going to get the money to buy another necessity AND buy shoes for their growing children.
I know there are families that have to be as frugal as I, but that is not my point in this blog. My question is, "What do I really have in common with this group?"
What group do we have for those of us in the same boat as me?
5 comments:
So you quit the group because you are changing churches or because it didn't fit you? Maybe you can start your own homegroup with a new church for divorced working single moms like yourself. If that's what you are looking for, you can't be the only one looking for that ministry.
I made a lot more people's C lists than A lists growing up. In retrospect that was probably a good thing because my friends were genuinely my friends.
Regarding being a single mom, there have to be others in your situation. How to find them, I don't know.
To some degree I understand being in a group of people and not being able to relate to their "problems," which seem more like minor inconveniences than real problems. I obviously haven't been in those situations from a single mom's perspective, but I have from an unemployed sop's perspective. The biggest problem I faced was not resenting those people because their lives seemed too easy.
I quit the group because I no longer attend that church. That was the whole point. I have nothing in common with them now that I am NO LONGER A LEADER in that church. That was our common thread....so I feel really out of place.
I also can't really have ONLY single mom friends, because I always seem to attract the unhealthy kind of people....and I can't be the strength for everyone else when I need to draw on some strength too.
It would just be nice to have some friends that "get me" or understand me....and have one or two locally so we could get together for BBQ's etc.
(I think I need to become a gold-digger...ROFL...j/k!)
I can understand the need of finding a friend that is in the same situation that you are in.
Try not to limit your friendships either. I think you realize that.
When Dust and I first came to OPAG we were one of the only married couples without kids that were our age. We couldn't go to the college or singles class anymore. We went to Love's Command. The majority of the couples had kids and were 5-10 years older. They all loved and accepted us and we fit in fine!
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