Still Standing Strong

God gave me the title for this blog a few weeks ago, it was a couple of weeks before I would come to understand the meaning of it. I had no idea how much of an encouragement just the phrase of "still standing strong" would really mean to me.

When I went through three tough years of my divorce/custody battle, I thought that would have been the most emotionally stressful and mentally exhausting experience I would go through in my life. 

And it was. At that time...

Now is a different time. The last month has been such a blur as I can't even really explain the emotional and mentally-fatiguing roller-coaster for me. But this I know...that God is the one who gave me the strength to stand.

I did not fall. I did not quit. I did not waver.

I did cry. I did pray. I did reach out for support.

A couple of years ago, I was honored to attend a leadership development program, in which I learned that it was okay to ask for help. Well, I am STILL learning that it's okay to ask for help.  Many times I just convince myself that I must keep STANDING on my own two feet. However, I would be kidding myself to hold onto that belief. Anyone who knows me, knows that it really is my faith in God that makes me STRONG. But I also know that He puts great friends in my life to support me when I have to stand, but don't feel strong doing it.

Today, I was reminded just how much God does give me the strength I need...daily! My schedule this week has been non-stop from 5:45pm to 10:15pm every day. After driving my boys 1.5 hrs to camp and the return trip home, I had to fit one more thing into the schedule: mowing the lawn before it rains again for the next week. Oh, I was so tired. I really wanted to quit. I even wanted to vent on FaceBook...LOL!  (I can now understand why so many people complain on FB, it is a place for instant gratification and a way to obtain justification for one's anger, resentment, disappointment.) I ran out of gas just three swipes into mowing the 8" tall grass, that was still a little wet from the rain...even when I wanted to gripe, I didn't. I kept on and completed the job...before the rain, I might add. :)

Here are two verses that are my inspiration:

Exodus 15:2

The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation...

 

Nehemiah 8:10

...And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength

 

Stay tuned for my next blog titled "1-1=1 squared".

NOT Another "Mommy Blogger"

Happy Mother's Day

I have been impressed to start blogging again for some time now. I figured today is a great time to start! Happy Mother's Day and welcome to my world!

Who am I and why do I want to blog again? I actually started "blogging" many, many moons ago with my BFF/prayer partner, T, whose blog is Dirt Road, way back in the "olden" days when the word "blog" was not yet in the spell-check system!!! I guess when everyone else jumped on the blogging bandwagon, I decided to take a break. I am not much of a mainstream conformist, but rather want my words to matter. I really want to use my gift of writing to encourage and inspire others. So here I am...again!

In the past, I used my blog Black-Board to share little "life lessons" that I learned along the way...some were cute and some were hard, very hard. Feel free to go back and read...one of my favorite blogs was Taste the Beaters.  This time, my approach will be a realistic look into the life of someone whose responsibility is "Head of Household". You will still find me being real with you: positive, kind and caring, yet sharing the difficulties and at times, raw emotion of someone who has been "Head of Household" for almost 14 years, raising two teenage boys by myself.

It took a little time to discover my new purpose in blogging, but after raking 99 piles of gumballs in my backyard, I got my inspiration! And after taking myself out for a movie Friday night to see "Mom's Night Out", I got today's title inspiration. I don't want to be another "mommy blogger"...or a "single woman" blogger, as we have plenty of those already. I want to inspire AND challenge mothers in different roles to appreciate what we do, where we are and how well we can do our jobs! Having been a stay-at-home mom, a working mom and a full-time working single mom, I hope to share insight  into what it is like to be the "Head of Household" and how we can support each other!  Because, yes, "our job (as a mom) is hard...AND important"!

Let's start with Head of Household.  What exactly does that mean? According to the IRS, Head of Household is defined as meeting ALL of these requirements:

1. You are unmarried or considered unmarried on the last day of the year.                      
2. You paid more than half the cost of keeping up a home for the year.
3. A qualifying person lived with you in the home for more than half the year (except for temporary absences, such as school).

How about that? We single moms get our own tax filing status! We should realize then just how special and unique our role is as mother, homemaker and income provider!  You are unmarried--shouldering ALL of life's responsibility alone. You pay for keeping up a home--more than just paying the mortgage. A qualifying person lived with you--requires providing physical needs, such as food and clothes, and emotional needs for your dependents. Take a moment to give yourself a hand for managing THREE FULL-TIME JOBS!!! 

 

Yes, I can already hear my readers saying, "but what about the Stay-at-Home Moms? We don't even get paid and we work 24/7?" I am glad you asked and here is what I have been inspired to share with Stay-at-home-moms.  What I have to share is so profound that I hope you sit down to hear it...

 

You are blessed among the few!!! Be grateful that you get to enjoy a clean home, able to make a home-cooked meal, spend more time with your kids, even help out at their school or run immediately and pick them up when they get sick at school...AND that you have a husband that provides the income to allow for you to manage your home 24/7! I am thrilled for you!

 

 

We also have the Working Moms, who are caught in the balancing act of caring for their family and home along with a job outside the home. Sometimes, this is a more difficult position to manage, because with both spouses working, it would only seem fair to split up the housework, right?  Shared income responsibilities = shared housework responsibilities.  More often than not, it still lies upon the mom's shoulders to care for all of the home, when typically the husband wants to come home and unwind, but does mom get to do the same? And sometimes, when the financial need requires both parents to work, it doesn't really pay off that much after daycare expenses, eating out, etc. My hat is off to you!

 

What I desire each of us to realize, that no matter where we are in life, we will remember Paul's advice in Philippians 4:11, "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Let's not compare ourselves to one another. It does not do us any good in our own life.  Sure, sometimes, we wish we could trade places with someone else. (I really want to do a Job Swap show where a stay-at-home mom trades places with a single-working mom!) But I think if we were to all lay our "stuff" out on a table with each other, we would still choose to pick up our own "stuff" again. It saddens me when I read posts on FB always complaining about how busy they are, or complaining about their husbands or children. Like James reminds us in James 1:2, "Count it all joy...when you meet trials of various kinds.", let's be mindful of all that we have and are blessed!! 

 

Let us pray for our stay-at-home mom friends.  It may seem like they have it made by being at home with their families.  We don't know, but they may be caring for a special needs child or an ailing husband. They need our support to encourage them to keep on doing a great job!

 

Let us pray for our working mom friends. It may seem like they have it made with a two-income household.  We don't know, but their financial needs may give them no choice to be a stay-at-home mom. They need our support to encourage them take one day at a time.

 

Let us pray for our single mom friends. It may seem like they have it made because they get to make their own decisions.  We don't know, but they may have just lost their husband or they having a tough time raising teenagers.  They need our support to encourage them to fight the good fight!

 

Sooo...I am not another mommy blogger...I will blog about real life...life as the Head of Household! It won't be a blog from the quiet view of the backporch with a cup of coffee, but rather a blog from the suburbs with 5 lanes of traffic in rush hour! I hope you stay along for the ride!

MIRACLE for MARK

On Monday, my brother Mark fell 7ft from a ladder, breaking both bones in his leg and hit his head on concrete. It seems his foot must have gotten caught in the ladder causing the leg to snap back. He had emergency surgery to place rods in his bones and plates around his ankle. As of today, he is still in the hospital and has been doing physical therapy since Tuesday. We are praying for him to be released and be in his own home for Christmas.

Ironically, we had just decided on Sunday night, that my sis (Spfd) and I (Stl) would both drive to Mark's (Nashville) and he would drive all of seven of us to see our folks for Christmas in North Carolina. If you read through my blog archives, my brother was instrumental in arranging for our family to get together for the first time in 13 years, just last Christmas (pic below). I KNOW God is a God of Miracles...as I have lived and experienced many of them. I KNOW God will provide speedy healing for Mark.

I also know God will provide funds for Mark's medical expenses. As a business owner, he is self-employed without medical insurance. My brother is a selfless person and makes sure his employees are taken care of before himself. I will be collecting all profits from my Mary Kay business to donate to his medical expenses. I invite you to shop securely on my website at www.marykay.com/joydeboard and make a note "Miracle for Mark" in the comments section when you order. I will ship for free anywhere in the US.


My folks have also set up a fund for his medical expenses, if you wish to donate: http://www.markwblack.blogspot.com/. Please contact your accountant for details on charitable giving that can be deducted for 2010.



Thank you for your continued prayers for his healing!

Enough Already

When is enough, enough?

This post is not about my struggles of a failed marriage or a devastating divorce, rather, it is about the struggles of single parenting WHILE ATTEMPTING to "co-parent".

It is going on 10 years this year since I became a single mom. My journey began with an "almost 3-yr old" and an "almost 2-yr old". I went from being a stay-at-home mom to looking for full-time employment. My children were forced into a daycare situation where they have spent the last 10 years of their life, before and after school.

During this most recent time of unemployment, I have embraced the opportunity to cook at home for my children (it's great that I'm not exhausted as when I would get home from work), to have family meals together, to have family devotional time together as well as play table games with them after dinner. Yes, it may keep "stuff" on my dining table, but it is the bonding/family connection that is worth more by keeping the games in easy reach. We are growing closer as a family unit and the boys' are happier and more open than they have ever been.

What prompted my blogging tonight was a meeting I had today with the boys' counselor. She of course, had met with their dad last week...which meant she got "his version" first. Apparently, he must have really let loose on "issues" about me. Since she said she is just the messenger and change agent to help us find a way to work in the boys' best interests as co-parents. I responded like I always do, I kept a pleasant voice and focused on the positive of what I am doing for the boys and that I don't keep the boys from him for visits, etc. I have ALWAYS done this. I don't talk degrading about him to the boys...nor to any of our mutual friends (even any of those college friends on Facebook that may even happen to read this blog). Only my closest girlfriends, that I can cry on their shoulder...know the dirty details. It has NOT been easy, but I ALWAYS take the high road when dealing with their father. I have always followed the custody paperwork and been flexible when he needs to cancel or change a visit and even on the rare occasion he asks for more time with them.

Unfortunately, as the boys have gotten older, they have become more vocal about not wanting to go to his house. They are 12 and 11 now, and their interests have changed from being in the house all weekend watching Veggie Tales. Also, they are old enough to see differences in the way I run my household vs. the way he runs his household. I have always told my boys that they have to do what he says when they are at his house, just like they have to do what I say at my house. I am glad they are becoming more open about how they feel and what they are going through...at my house and at his house.

However, today I was told that some of his issues with me is me taking away his time with the boys. I said I didn't understand that statement. She went on to say his issue is that the boys seem to be more connected with me even when they are at his house. The counselor says that she has to tell me hard truth about being more agreeable with him because the boys are feeling the tension. Again, I am confused. I am to be penalized because I am creating a connected family with the boys and me? Isn't that what a good parent does? But I am the one who is supposed "become more agreeable"? I am irritated because NO ONE wants to ever stand up to him and tell him what he should change about parenting/co-parenting and that he should become more agreeable with me. I find it ironic that it is always me who is targeted to change. Yet the teachers always call me for any school issues because they know I am a parent that will be involved with my boys' lives. They also know from talking to him that he doesn't budge for anyone. When it comes to counselors they think to "resolve the issues" that they will "talk mom into changing her ways"...then they feel they accomplished their project with my boys...and all ends well.

So I left today thinking, wow, what am I doing wrong and what do I need to change to get along better with their dad so they don't feel caught in the middle? What is it that I haven't already been doing to try to accomplish that goal?

Then I had a second thought.

Nothing! There isn't anything that I haven't done/am doing to help achieve that goal. I have bent over backwards for him, carried the boys' expenses that custody papers say are his financial responsibility, read every parenting book on the market, went through individual counseling and I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that I am doing a good job as a parent. I am there for my boys and make every effort for them to know it is safe to talk to me about what they are going through. There is nothing I need to be doing to be "more agreeable" with him. I am not going to bow down to his ways any longer. When he makes an effort to improve his own parenting/co-parenting, then we can talk about finding some middle ground. At the moment, the efforts to bettering our parent skills are very one-sided. So of course, there is going to be tension when we aren't on the same page. But why is it my views/efforts that are required to change to match his...that seem to be non-existent?

When is enough, enough?

When do I get to be seen as the parent that provides for them emotionally, spiritually and financially with food and clothes? They grow overnight and I am constantly buying clothes that he keeps when they come to visit him. His child support is not even enough to cover the food they eat per month...they are growing boys. And that is not even a constant payment, so I can't bank on it. I am unemployed right now and STILL PROVIDING for my children. When I was so sick that I nearly died, I found a way to keep providing for my children. I had help from friends, but no help from him. When I had a car accident and broken wrist and out of work for three months to heal, I kept taking care of my children alone. When is anyone going to be strong enough to stand up and say that I am the responsible parent?

Am I really supposed to spend the next 10 years, breaking my back from bending over to make sure that we never disagree?

I say....enough already!!

Blessings in Disguise

I've been counting my blessings lately. It is so easy to get stuck seeing only the negatives in our life when we are at a standstill. But, I have found many wonderful blessings since my layoff last fall that I would like to share with you here.

1. I had the time (that we always wish for) to sort and clear out my old apartment in preparation for my move....there are still those last two boxes in my room...lol!

2. I have the time for reading my Bible. Something we also say we wish we had...we try to read but are so tired. Colossians 4:2 says to devote to prayer with an alert mind. (NLT)

3. I have had the time to cook. I mean, actually COOK...not microwave meals! This has helped in my endeavors to increase my family's health.

4. I have had the time to reevaluate my life's goals. What does God want for me? What do I want so that I am LIVING and not "just making it through".

5. I have had the time to search for the "right fit" for a job. Honestly, there are not many jobs posted available for my skillset. So instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs (or napping all day) I pulled out my little Mary Kay nametag and went to work!

Ultimately, I have found myself sharing more than pleasantries with many people that cross my path during the day. Not just about what I do for a living with Mary Kay, but what LIVING for God is all about. I was reminded today, that God honors obedience above sacrifice, therefore, I am seeking to obey God with each day I live...I know He is my provider....that, my friend, is a blessing!

(2 Chronicles 31:21 - In all that he did in the service of the Temple of God and in his efforts to follow God’s laws and commands, Hezekiah sought his God wholeheartedly. As a result, he was very successful.)

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...AND The Blessings!

I have started on a new journey in life, but not just for this new year. I have also grown to embrace all facets of life: the good, the bad, the ugly...AND the blessings. So, I hope to capture my thoughts again and share...maybe you will be encouraged or maybe you will encourage me!

First of all, a recap of the missing year of journaling in my life:

When someone told me that God has promised that 2009 was "the year of healing and restoration in families", I actually laughed out loud. I thought, "well, goody for you, mister, you just don't know about MY family"..."I've prayed about my family for 15 years and NOTHING I ever do is pleasing to them"..."so, okay, let's see if God really told you this promise".

For someone that was raised in church, but found my own relationship with God over the years, this was probably the most sarcastic I have ever been about God. It made me feel sick that I had such a low expectation of God. Afterall, He had brought me up from such low places, enabled me to become a very strong woman and guided me in single-parenting...why would I think He wouldn't come through for me in regards to my family.

I believe the starting point of my healing was in February, when my oldest son was admitted to a week's stay at a mental hospital for suicidal depression. He had been struggling with this for a couple of years and I had tried every solution for help that I could (much prayer, health supplements, better sleeping habits, aromatherapy, counseling, teaching him to pray & journal), I knew it was a more serious problem when he was making comments at school. Even though it was one the hardest things I ever had to do for my child, in a way, it was one of the best things I could have done for him. I bought him a grown up Bible and he was reading it on his own. He came home with a loving attitude and appreciation for me, his mom. For me, it was at that moment of no control that I learned to lean on God for His support...again!

The next opportunity God used in the process of healing my heart was when I attended the Women of Faith Conference in Indianapolis with my best friend, T. I had attended many WOF conferences before and always came away lifted up and spiritually encouraged. This year was quite opposite. Not that it wasn't inspiring...it was. But the speakers all shared very deep and personal heartaches with us. We laughed together, cried together and prayed together. There was a supernatural healing presence in this huge auditorium...and God KNEW just which seat I was sitting in. Little by little, the layers that had protected the hurt in my heart from my family were slowly being pulled away. God was using my tears to cleanse the grit that had seeped in causing so many little irritations that caused pain every time I even thought about my family. Mind you, I LONGED for healing and wholeness...I longed to be loved and accepted by my family...I longed for my children to have happy times with their grandparents (something I never had).

So from May to June, God was super busy! I had the opportunity to sit across from my father at my own kitchen table and talk for 2 1/2 hours. We cried together, we forgave together and we healed together. Wow, I always longed for a hug from my dad that made me feel safe and loved.

During the rest of the year, my healing had its ups and downs. As the layers come off, there is a vulnerability that is quite scary. I mean, 15 years is a long time for scar tissue to build up, and is quite painful when removed.

Some of the miracles and setbacks that took place include: In August, I received good news that I was approved for a 3-br townhouse on a Friday...and was told the next Monday that my job was being eliminated. (Where are you, God? It's me, Joy!) I continued the moving process for October 3rd and was extremely grateful to God...as HE DOES KNOW BEST! I was given the blessing of being paid through October, but released from duties, which allowed my full attention on sorting/packing for my move.

During this time, the boys had started back to school. Both of them on ADD medicine and one on an antidepressant. Copays were still expensive on all of these meds, not to mention my acid reflux med. So far, things were improving for the boys at school and both boys received all A's and B's...something that has never happened in all their years of school previously. They both test with high scores and high IQ's, so they both were given an IEP to allow more 1:1 time with their teachers. I believe this was a blessing from God to give them a room assignment where its okay for boys to be a little fidgety in their seat.

With the time off from work, I was able to spend more time in prayer and reading the Bible. My relationship with God was strong in prayer and praise, but not so much in reading the Word. Through this personal time with God, He began to bring me into alignment with Him. He brought me to focus on Him and not what others say or do. I learned that He is the Almighty Healer...for physical and emotional needs.

Then came the holidays.

Holidays are always tough for me. The boys have to split time with me and going to their dad's house. Holidays were always a special time for me growing up, so as a single parent for 9 years, it is still hard to be alone. Everyone is quick to invite you to Thanksgiving, but now, Christmas...not so much...they have plans with their family, they are so sorry, they say. Well, I was determined to have a wonderful family Christmas with my boys. The boys and I were safe and happy...we didn't need a lot of gifts. Besides, we were supporting Advent Conspiracy with our church and wanted to build relationships with each other.

Relationships, huh? Relationships with family? Well, it was a good year, God. Thanks for the healing. Thanks for the blessings of the year. Thanks for the opportunity to share my home with others when they need a haven of rest. Thanks for opening communication with my dad.

Then my brother called and said he had rented a cabin in Branson over the Christmas week and was inviting everyone down. YIKES! (Thankfully, he was there a week prior praying for our family visit.) Well, this would be the first time in 15 years that so many of us would be in one place. (I live in STL, my sister in Springfield, MO, my brother in Nashville, my folks and younger sisters in NC) I made plans to attend for all of us, not just the sake of my boys. I was determine to try...again. Of course, when following Christ, we will meet with opposition. And, hoo boy, did "hell" break loose the day before I was to leave...almost causing me to change my plans. Instead, I was able to call my father for encouragement. I even told him that I really needed him to be my dad and explained the situation that had been thrown my way. He was wise in responding and asked me "what was the reason I was going to attend the family gathering...to remember that and not be robbed of a blessing by not going". Wow, what a blessing it turned out to be.

God was still healing me on my drive to Branson and the silly little drive to Walmart with my mother. For the first time, in my adult life, I actually felt love for my mother and could hug her genuinely. I even enjoyed the trip to Walmart with her and my sister! Sounds crazy, I know, but God was still working to fulfill His Promise...it was the last week of December! I have posted a family pic to prove God's faithfulness. We laughed together, cried together, forgave together, healed together and prayed together. If I had not been there to see it myself, I would have never believed it could happen.

I want to share with you that God will keep His promises, but He also wants to bless you with more than just keeping His promises. After the Christmas week at the miracle cabin in Branson, my parents came to see us in STL and spend several days with us through New Year's. This was a great visit for all of us, but it was fun to see my boys getting time with their maternal grandparents. I got to spend time with my little sister as we are both adults now. I have that emotional connection with my family that has been missing all my life.

Thank you, my Heavenly Father!


Christmas Day 2009 -My family with 4 of 5 siblings...I know God has my baby sister in His Hands!

The Little Girl Who Could

There once was a little girl who could. She just “knew” she could. What made her think that? Perhaps it was when she was three years old and gazing into the picture of an angel watching over the children crossing the broken bridge in the midst of a scary storm. Perhaps knowing there were angels with her in room because she could feel their presence.

From a very, very young age she knew God was real and He lived in her heart. What made her think that? Perhaps it was how broken her heart felt when listening to the poem “No Time To Pray” when her daddy read to her at bedtime. Perhaps it was how warm and happy her heart felt when she played on the swing-set, singing songs to God that only she knew the words.

When she was five years old, she knew that prayer was powerful and that God listened to hers. What made her think that? Perhaps it was when someone gave some groceries to her family and there was a box of Ding-Dong’s for the kids. Perhaps it was when she changed schools in the middle of the year and was a big answer to prayer to a bad situation.

She didn’t know it, but the innocent relationship she had with God would only bring times of questions and trials. There would be a battle raged to tear her away from “knowing” and “doubting”.

When did the doubt start to creep in? Perhaps it was when her parents had a prayer meeting at their house and she felt God’s presence and began clapping and praising God in her own childish –kindergartner way, but was sternly reprimanded by her daddy. That didn’t make sense to her, since that was how they prayed at church.

When did she learn that life-long dreams end with disappointment? Perhaps it was when she was nine years old and announced she wanted to go to college. Her daddy told her she could be anything she wanted to be when she grew up, yet didn’t have her parent’s support when she graduated. That didn’t make sense to her, since she thought they would be proud of her.

When did it become clear that she could only count on God? Perhaps it was when going through divorce from her husband that had made vows to the end. Perhaps it was when her family wasn’t there for support during that time. That should have made sense to her, since it had been that already.

She didn’t know it, but she would have to make a clear choice to follow God. There was a time when a struggle of good and evil pulled her into making a committed choice when she was almost 12 years old.

When did she realize she made the right choice? Perhaps it was when God said He would fill her voice with song if she only opened her mouth to sing. She did and within three weeks was singing a solo with the youth choir “I’m Yours, Lord”. She began to believe she could.

When did she understand that God would help her with hard choices? Perhaps it was when she became a single mother with two toddlers. She turned on a dime and created a healthy home environment for her children with God as the center. She continued to believe she could.

Will she ever know why her life seemed so hard? Perhaps it was so she could encourage others to believe and pursue their relationship with God despite the tough times. Perhaps it was so she could raise her sons to be godly and nurturing daddies. Perhaps it was so she could help save lives of those hurting. She believes she could…and should.

“God Knocked On My Door”

She answered the door with a baby on her hip, eyes red and sad. “Hon, you look like you could use a hug…would that be okay”? The tears flowed the moment she and her baby were enveloped in a hug by a stranger. After a moment, her story spilled out. Her boyfriend, the baby’s father, had left her two weeks ago. She lost her job last week. She didn’t know anyone and her family lived long distance. Little did she know the heart and arms that had just embraced her had also embraced very similar circumstances.

It was a warm sunny afternoon with the promise of spring on its way. I was out walking the dog with my youngest son while he went from door to door with his fundraiser for the American Heart Association. My oldest son was out trying to get his kite to fly. I was singing in my heart and thanking the Lord for my blessings.

I was thankful for the wonderful weekend we had experienced. Small group with friends from church on Friday evening went well, even with me serving as facilitator. Church on Saturday afternoon was inspiring. A barbecue and games night with a college friend and her family was fun. Just a few months ago, none of these activities would have been in our schedule.

My health was improving and I had more energy to be active with my boys. My oldest son’s health had improved and was enjoying life. He was running and laughing like a normal 11 year old boy. My youngest was overcoming his shyness with people and books. He picked up a chapter book and started reading on his own free will. Finances were in decent shape again with my tax refund. The car was freshly oil-changed and had new belts, etc. The boys had freshly trimmed haircuts. The dog had been groomed. And my pampering session to get my hair done was coming next weekend. Ah, yes, life was finally feeling like it should. And it felt good.

We knocked on the last door on the second floor and heard a dog barking which started my dog barking. It seemed no one was home, so we turned to leave. After taking a moment to wave hello to my oldest son down by the pond, I was still on the landing when I heard the door open. Turning back around, my youngest son told her he was raising money for the AHA and asked if she would like to donate today.

When she answered the door it appeared she had been crying. My first instinct was to hug her. Knowing not everyone is a “hugger”, especially from a stranger. I asked if it would be okay. She nodded and the moment I hugged her and her baby, I felt her burden. It didn’t take long to learn her story. It all seemed so real, almost as if I were reliving my story all over again. When I looked into her eyes and told her, “I have been right where you are and you are NOT alone anymore”, she began to sob uncontrollably. Immediately, I reached for her arm and began to pray for her. It is not uncommon for me to pray spontaneously with friends in person or on the phone, however, it is not normal for me to pray with someone I don’t know. She calmed down and her baby started giggling. I told her I would bring some contacts and phone numbers for temp agencies and other assistance that had helped me.

I put dinner in the oven then typed up some resources for my new friend. She smiled this time when she answered the door and invited me in. I assured her again that she could call me anytime day OR night. I also mentioned to her that it was my faith in God that had truly gotten me through my tough times. I truly understood how rough it is to not have any family support either, but that God’s family is my family. She said it was real nice that I prayed with her and gave her a hug. For once, she thought maybe some people really do care. She declined my invitation to dinner, but promised to stay in touch.

How horrible I felt when I lost the scrap of paper with her phone number, so I made a point of stopping by the next two days. She wasn’t home either time. I continued to pray for her and her baby, that God would wrap His arms of love around her, give her strength and peace.

Last night when I knocked on her door, she met me with a huge smile! She was thrilled to see me and gave me a hug this time. Her eyes looked rested and she seemed to stand a little taller. She was pleased to tell me of the contacts she had called and the places she had gone. I was proud of her taking steps of action to take control of her situation instead of remaining a victim of circumstance.

I invited her over to watch a movie with me this weekend and told her she was welcome to come along with me to church on Saturday. She said she would like that very much. I said goodnight and she said she had been telling everyone she met that “God knocked on my door” this weekend.

Matthew 22:37-39 – Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (NLT)

I am only His servant sharing His unconditional love with those I meet. God gains all the glory when another soul is touched by our life stories. We are “Jesus in skin” to all those around us.

So I guess I can say that “God knocked on my door” this weekend too…the door of my heart!

AFTER AWHILE (Modern Day Version)

This is my personal experience and modern-day version of the poem "After Awhile".

After awhile, you learn that text messages and emails aren’t real conversations;
And you learn that “MUAH” and “MISS U” don’t make up for time spent together;
And you begin to learn that a peck “hello” and “goodbye” aren’t real kisses and the promise of a present...just doesn’t exist;
And you learn to draw boundaries, and communicate clearly and calmly, even when you’re scared of how things might turn out;
And you learn to focus on “what is” and not “what if”;
After awhile, you learn that “three red flags” promotes a pattern or problem;
So call up a girlfriend, go out to dinner, have a good laugh or cry;
And you learn that you really can be independent;
And you really are intelligent;
And you really do deserve respect!

~Joy Darlene DeBoard

Tender Hearts

We don't have pets and haven't dealt with a lot of "life/death" incidences. However, just Wednesday night we were driving along the outer road parallel to the interstate, when a baby dear came across our path. It was about 5:45pm and in a very rare location for seeing deer, so thankfully the two cars in front of me were already stopped to make a turn. The deer ran headfirst into the fence separating the outer road and interstate, then jumped straight up and over it. Within seconds, the deer was hit and skidded around and bounced between three lanes of traffic. To say the least, it was disheartening to watch and my boys were completely distraught.

Of course, this has been the conversation topic for the rest of the week every time we are driving. Besides the typical kid questions of "Will he go to heaven, Mom?" to "Did he die right away?"...questions have also been "What happens if that was a person that got hit on the highway?" "Would they go to heaven?".

Interesting for them to personalize the situation, but I took it as a teaching moment about safety, listening and following directions (ie from mom when they may not know danger is nearby), as well as teaching on how precious LIFE is to us AND how important it is to always be living our life making right choices to follow God.

Blog Tour of Israel

Hello, My Blogger Friends!

For some of you that are on this blog site, I think you will find my friend's personal blog of interest. Thanks to the wonderful world of eNetworking with Facebook, I have found over 60 friends from college! One of my most recent contacts is actually living in St. Louis with his family. Right now he has gone on an archaeological dig in Bethsaida, Israel.

I am sure he will appreciate your prayers while he shares of his travels. You can find him at www.johncarnett.com.

Enjoy!

The Buzz on The Bee Movie

This weekend the boys and I rented two Redbox movies: The Bee Movie Santa Claus 3.

Yes, I know it's spring...but we still hadn't seen the 3rd SC movie...and it was great!

The Bee Movie was hysterical!! The boys talked me into keeping it for one more day so they could watch it 3x...LOL!

Mind you, if you aren't a Jerry Seinfeld fan, then you won't be as impressed. But if you are, then you will enjoy the comical reactions from an animated bee character.

As with all DVDs, we like to watch the extra clips and interviews with the cast. There were several great cast members that added to the dynamic of the humor. What I love about the newer tech/computer animated movies is the way they can make the cartoon character resemble the voice character!

Overall, we give the movie a B+++!

Just holding it together...

It's been a very tough year...and tonight was one of the roughest yet. I love my best friend T...who calls and prays for me even when I am emotionally spent and physically exhausted.

As the evening went on...I was struggling to get even a breath that wasn't laboring. When I finally kissed the boys goodnight...and decided I was not even in the mood to watch mindless TV...I turned to read through my "emails". As much as I love my friend L...when she cleans out her emailbox...it fills up mine as she forwards many inspirational and humorous emails. Perfect for a night like tonight where I needed to mentally escape.

Wouldn't you know that God uses that method to speak to me? The third email I opened told a story of a preacher and his unique example of showing just "How GREAT our God really is!" Of course, my first instinct is to check out the validity on google/snopes...and I was amazed at my findings. I'm still in awe.

So as I sat here trying to catch my breath and feel like I am utterly falling apart at the seams...I am reminded that I can't ever really fall apart...because HE is just holding it all together for me!!!

Please check out the links and watch the video of Louie Giglio....it will be the best few minutes of your day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laminin



http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=laminin&um=1&ie=UTF-8

A Must-See if you have School-aged Children

Hey Everyone!

I thought you should watch this video if you have school-aged children. I have personally wondered if this is some/most of the case for my boys at school. Since they seem to have the problems only at school.

I do KNOW that the teachers my boys have are NEGATIVE and really like to dwell on the negative. One teacher, in particular, that both of my boys had, loves to play the "tattle-tale" role...and not just to me, their mom, but to everyone around...including complaining in front of the boys!!!

Not only am I appalled at this behavior, but I recently took a workshop at my company called "MicroInequities: The Power of Small" by Stephen Young (www.insighteducationsystems.com) He mentioned that with the slightest of body language and the choice of wording can really demean another person. I asked him about the teacher situation. He asked me to stay a little longer so that he could share with me. He agreed there is high potential for failing students IF the teacher is not specifically aware of what she says/how she interacts with her class.

I am enraged that one of my boys' teachers had the audacity to say in the first quarter, that "unfortunately, children like this are the ones that end up in juvenile hall and go downward". That told me...SHE ALREADY NAMED/JUDGED/DISCOUNTED ...MY CHILD!!! Of course, she is not going to think about how she talks to him.

So how do I change this? Not sure yet, but you can bet your last dollar I WILL FIND SOME ANSWERS somewhere!!!! These are my children that God entrusted me to raise. I have come close to moving mountains in their lives with His help...and I am going to keep on fighting for my boys!

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=6673814

2008 is already GREAT!

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

As my closest friends know...my LIFE has been everything a 4-letter word could describe in the last several years!! However, I am here to celebrate the long-term goals of success! It really DOES happen for those that persevere, don't give up, and push through to the other side.

I didn't post my "goals" for the year like I usually do, but already I am seeing many of them meet reality. After a long and tough divorce that wreaked havoc on my financial situation...I was finally able to pay off my bills yesterday. I also started my 401k plan at work. Being a business graduate, this has always haunted me that I haven't been able to start building toward my future.

After all the stresses in my life which have worn on my health, thankfully I was able to start seeing a nutritionist last fall which has helped me get on track to improve my internal physical health. This has increased my energy to accomplish other goals in my life.

After several years of doing the online dating thing...I had taken the last year and a half off. My goal for this year was to "create my own social circle" of friends. When my kids are gone to their dad's house, I want to have a group of friends that I can call up and get together to hangout. Already I have been out meeting new friends and doing things I love to do!

One of the key factors in my outward success, is the fact that God has given me a great job! I am now with a company that is stable and growing, which is giving me the opportunity to further my career vs. working a job. I am eternally grateful.

None of this would be happening in my life without the strength and endurance that comes from within!

Invisible Mom

Current mood: Touched
Category: Blogging

A dear friend sent me this email story of inspiration for moms and I found it a fantastic reflection! Ironically, earlier in the evening I had one of those "ah-ha" moments in a conversation with my oldest son. He is 10 now and showing such wisdom at such a young age. He knew I was having a chat with another single mom friend and he wanted me to share with her that I had been successful in taking care of him and his brother. What insight! I can only attribute that instinct due to the fact I am (with God's grace) building their little lives! ~Joy

I'm InvisibleIt all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the wayone of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on thephone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, orsweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; 'The Invisible Mom.'

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Canyou tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number isthe Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but nowthey had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She'sgoing, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip,and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sittingthere, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at myout-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. Myunwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I couldactually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, whenJanice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'Ibrought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are buildingwhen no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which Icould pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - wehave no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expectedno credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith thatthe eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why areyou spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almostas if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act ofkindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, istoo small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a diseasethat is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keepthe right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of thepeople who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went sofar as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetimebecause there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he'sbringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in themorning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'dbuilt a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to comehome. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world willmarvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know..... I just did.

The Willof God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

T'was the Most Wonderful Christmas of All!!!

Current mood: satisfied
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

So this was the best Christmas I think I have ever had with my boys!

Since 7 years ago...we were on our own having become a single mom just a month before Christmas....that was rough. Then we were all sick in 2001, but we had new friends from church that "brought Christmas to us". In 2002, we had just survived a serious car accident 2 months earlier and I was still wearing a cast on my right wrist/arm, and still out of work on short-term disability. The year 2003, I was sick with pneumonia having just moved apartments in October after finalizing the divorce. Even though I was employed at Christmas, I had been unemployed for 4 1/2 months during the year, so things were really tight financially with all the court costs. In 2004, I was dating someone that added alot to our Christmas, even though it was all long-distance. For once, the boys had extra gifts to be "Santa Presents". After being very ill and in the hospital for 15 days and off of work for 7 weeks, Christmas was not that much fun, even though I was grateful to be alive. Last year was one of the worst years for Christmas, since I lost my job just 10 days prior.

This year, 2007, I am actually HAPPY! I have a great job with a great company. I was able to actually go and buy something for each of my boys! I was actually able to cook a REAL CHRISTMAS Dinner! We had turkey, homemade mashed potatoes, dressing, green bean casserole, rolls, and pecan pie. During the weekend leading up to Christmas Day, the boys and I got to do so many things that I have always wanted to do with them. We went to a movie at the "real" theater (as the boys call it...since its not the dollar movie with ONE show)! We saw "Alvin and the Chipmunks" and had a blast!!! We also got to put together a gingerbread house...something I have always wanted to do ever since I was a girl. On Christmas Eve, we made our traditional cut-out Christmas Cookies and decorated all 70 of them!

In past years, Christmas has always been hard for me emotionally, since we have no family nearby. Its been extremely difficult when the boys are gone. But I realized that even though I am a single mom...the boys and I are "OUR FAMILY"! It is up to me to make our Christmas traditions. So we did! And even though, the boys are now gone for 5 days...I feel the ultimate fulfillment!

Joy Speaks

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

Yesterday I attended a seminar that was sponsored by my company for all the Administrative Professionals. We get together once a quarter to network. Its a great opportunity catch up with other admin friends and even "officially" meet admins that we work with via email!

Our speaker yesterday was...let's just say "indescribable". Some very good ideas and reminders and some in-your-face moments. Overall, Dr. Kim was right to the point as she was here to encourage and inspire us. (you can visit her website at www.drkimspeaks.com)

For me, so much of what she had to say was repetitive of things I learned in personal therapy. Having lots of thoughts about LIFE and FAMILY already turmoiling in my head, this speaker brought to the surface so many things I wish I could share openly. I have decided to write a chapter from my heart. Maybe I will get to share this with my siblings, then again, maybe not. Only God knows if their hearts are prepared for dealing with harsh reality, and accepting of healing of relationships.

Here are a few things that she said that stayed with me, I will share with you:

1. We teach people how to treat us by what we will accept from them.
2. If there is something wrong and you don't speak up, then you lose your right to complain.

I am sure I will have more to "speak out" about later on.

A Flash of HOPE

Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

I really wish there was a category listed as "Family", but then so many of us would be blogging in that category alone!

As I was finishing up my blog last evening, I was disappointed with myself that I couldn't end on a "positive note" that I always try to do. Therefore, it was just that...a blog. A blog of emotions. A blog of questions. A blog of tears. A blog of confusion.

However, while I was in tears talking with God, I really was wondering how I would recognize HOPE when it has been so long in my STRUGGLES. I don't even know how to get to the SURRENDER stage...even though I think I have "surrendered" everything I feel/know to this point. I understand I can't control anything in life. I understand that I can't control the outcome of situations. I only know, like I said last night, is to keep hanging onto God...and I do it one day at a time.

Ironically, a flash of HOPE showed up as an Instant Message from my brother. Only those closest to me will understand the enormity of this IM. I have continually prayed for healing within my family. Something that has escaped us from since before I went off to college. The unhealthy ways of "NONcommunication" and "NONunconditional love" have always overtaken my extended family....all the way from my parents back to my grandparents and everyone in between. I could share many examples, but it dawned on me more clearly that I DON'T want to continue this pattern with my own children, when I had a cousin pull the "I'm not ever talking to you again" card, just because I asked to be taken off her "daily email with pics of her kid" distribution list. OH, HOW like my mother's side of the family that was to me! God forbid I bring that into my childrens' life. Mind you, this unhealthy pattern of NONcommunication lives among my father's side as well as my ex-husband's side of family.

But in this flash of HOPE, a simple IM that said HELLO, was key to renewing communication with my only brother. The one that has hurt me the most in my family. Mind you, I have been "disowned" verbally and actionwise from my father/mother on about 7 different occasions. So this time was nothing new. Having my sister that is closest to me in age just ignore my calls was nothing new. She behaved this way when we were roommates after I graduated college and even into her married years. Strange enough to indicate to me there were problems on the inside, that she was trying to keep hidden. However, to have my brother be blatently vocal to me was very hurtful.

I worked diligently within myself to "love unconditionally". But it wasn't without its own set of questions. How can you count on anyone in life, IF your OWN blood relatives can "turn on/turn off" their "love/connection/communication" with you? I was able to realize they "really don't know how". Still didn't make me feel any better, but I tried to "hold on to God, keep plugging along through the struggle, and hoping for HOPE"!

Believe it or not, this point has allowed me to move through some more emotional recognition and hopefully onto the road of emotional healing with the situation at church.

How are things going to turn out...I don't have a clue. Will there be more miscommunication and misunderstandings...of course! We are only human and we tend to jump to conclusions and "assumptions" which you know only makes an ASS + U + ME!! But I am able to end the weekend on a positive note!

Weekend Depression

Hi, My name is Jadee and I suffer from "weekend depression". I didn't realize what this was until I was doing one of those daily quizzes from MySpace. One question asked, "Who was the last person to call you?" and another question asked, "Who was the last person to text message you?". Crazy for me that both answers to those questions actually took place on Wednesday night! No wonder I fall into a depression by the weekend...

To add insult to injury, I got my regular "I really wish you would go to church this weekend" call from my small group leader. Granted, the church has started a new way of conducting the small groups and the discussion questions are based on the week's sermon topic. So, yeah, I am out of the loop when I don't attend.

So we did go to tonight's service. I can't tell you how excited the boys were and my oldest even got dressed up in his suit! I REALLY must make a committment to attend for their sake!

However, it was very hard emotionally for me. It is like salt in a wound. I am still trying to figure out why I still feel such hurt. As I sat there listening and looking out remembering when I used to be so involved at this church. How happy I was back then, despite the tough road it had been before then. How I loved being involved with the prayer team, worship team, and leading the kids music! Only to have it pulled out from underneath me...er, rather the ignorant bliss was gone and reality took its place. It's a sad thing when that innocent trust is destroyed.

Which leads me to some hard questions of my own, that actually coincide with the message today about when life brings the "rogue waves". And what do we do when we Struggle, Surrender, and Hope through these rough times. The pastor said tonight that its in those times that we hold onto God and hold onto those that give us that support. Okay, sounds good in theory. He also said that struggles are a part of life and we must keep trusting in God. I would agree. He said that when you continue to work through the struggle stage and into the surrender stage, then you will find hope.

Let me ask: How do you get that happy innocence back once the trust has been broken? How do you find those to help give you support during your struggles? How do you keep working through the struggles when you run out of energy?

I ask these questions not from my own life's perspective, but rather from a general life's perspective. I know all of us struggle with life's "rogue waves". I know this happened for Job and Jeremiah in the Bible as well. I know that NONE of us are without hardships.

But the summary and take away from this week's sermon is simple...and something I already knew:

LIFE is a 4-letter word.
Take ONE day at a time.
ONLY GOD can be counted on...(people will ALWAYS let you down.)

[I am hoping by getting this off my chest now, that I won't fall apart tomorrow evening at small group when we discuss this topic.]