I know that I posted about the impact of Natasha Bedingfield's song Unwritten has had on me...and I chose it as my theme song for the year, but its true! LOL!
I just saw her perform on the Jammex Kids on the WB...and I was just listening to the words again...okay okay, I was singing and dancing around too! Anyone that knows me, knows that I can't just sit still and quiet when listening to music. LOL!
But I am still reflecting on the phrase that the "rest is still unwritten". I have been in the church search for awhile...then I found one I thought was going to work...and then I have been sick since then...and haven't made it back. I was supposed to go this morning, but didn't wake up until 1pm. So, right now I am still trying to figure some stuff out. It's hard because I so long for a church to become my family...but honestly, I am just too tired to keep on visiting. I can't say that for sure that the one AG church is going to be it for me. I feel somewhat like all the first dates...you go to meet someone...have positive thoughts in meeting them...get there...and you know right away they are not the right one....no chemistry or something not quite in common...for a relationship.
So right now, I am in a quandry....I know that I am probably slightly depressed about this...because its too comfortable to stay home. It would seem so simple to crawl back with my tail between my legs to my old church. Then I remember how I felt on the issues that caused "conflict" (in their terms). And I just can't sell myself out to that environment.
To those of you that will read this and are my friends...please pray for me for direction. I am just very, very tired physically, mentally, emotionally, and of course spiritually. So I am waiting on the unwritten part to become clearly written.
5 comments:
Honestly, a big part of church is deciding to stick, not finding a fit. You make the fit with the people you integrate with once you stick. My parents left our "home" church for five years. We went to a VERY different one, doctrine and tone wise. They eventually realized the doctrine was a bit too far out, but church hopped for a couple years before biting the bullet and going "home." I was a teen and it was a hard time for me. I still went to youth group at "home" because it was the only one I had. I say this not to tell you to go back to one or to another, but to say it's important to find one and stay long term, even though it will have bad spots and bruises. I know someone who is fond of saying, the church stinks like Noah's ark but it's the only thing that floats. It's so much easier when it is a habit. You don't always go out of enthusiasm but you go just because you always do. What about the people that helped you when you were in the hospital? Where were they from?
Thanks Roaming! I KNOW that I need to just go...but its so hard for me right now because I feel like a fish out of water. I do know the last church I visited would give good opportunities for the boys...which is very important.
The church I attended for 5 years was the one I was very involved with for the last 3 years. It was my current small group from there that helped me out in the hospital. But mostly it was T that helped the most!!! Her family, and their churches, etc.
Granted, I did find out that my church did alot more for me than I originally thought, but its kind of a sour taste in my mouth when the things that I really needed in support were looked upon as petty.
I am sooooo very torn right now. Because, even though I love my small group dearly, I am losing my connection with them because we aren't hearing the same sermons to mull over together.
My old church has really put the pressure on for me to make a decision. They wanted me to tell them in 3 weeks where I was going to be attending...because they want to know if they are going to continue to be the one called on for ministry to me and my family, or to make a decision to meet with another church that I was now their new responsibility. That made me feel VERY weird.
On the other side of things, my response to your comment is this: Is it always better to go to a church that you are not gaining from it...just so you can say you are going to a church? I do hear what you are saying...and that's why I posted my heart on my blog....because I don't like this feeling...and knew I needed to reach out for prayer support.
Thanks for you honest words of encouragement!
You do have a hard decision to make regarding which church to attend. Will it be to embarrassing to go back to your old church?
Get some rest. I will be praying for you.
picking a church is one of the hardest things T and I have ever had to do.
we'll pray that you have the patience to stay where God wants you, the flexibility to make changes, and wisdom to know the difference.
Jadee, I know that it's not an easy time for you and that leaving your former church was something that you did not do in haste or without a lot of prayer and consideration. I also know that you have been very sick again for the past month or so. Give yourself a chance to feel better physically so that you won't be so tired mentally and a lot of the confusion and feelings you struggle with will become clearer and you will see what is written. I know that this is easier said then done. I will continue to pray for you. I know you don't like feeling this way.
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