Lately I have been undergoing some personal growth...along a different path than I have ever travelled before. This is good in the fact that, I am not repeating a step at the moment!
My heart has been called to a passion of PRAYER. Something that was being developed in my life back in college days. There was never a week that went by that someone didn't seek me out for a heart-to-heart that always ended in prayer together. On many occasions, this left me scratching my homework schedule and STILL staying up till 2 am!
I remember one time that my mother called (from across town) wondering why I answered at 10pm. ("...well, stop calling me then...") [I know...couldn't resist another Pretty Woman quote!] She asked why I was just getting back to my room (besides the fact that our library didn't close until 11pm), I remember telling her that if people needed me...then that was more important than a grade on a test, because its what was going to last forever.
I never realized until taking a Spiritual Gifts class at my church, that I truly had the passion of Intercessory Prayer as a Spiritual Gift. I thought my interest in prayer was because of the power it had in my personal life.
I began my prayer partnership with T, back when I was struggling and fighting for my marriage. We prayed every day on our own and sometimes together 2-3 times per week. We SAW prayer CHANGE things in our daily lives! Prayer changed ME! Prayer even changed my husband. We were even headed on a better path as a married couple. Ultimately, God still gives each of us a choice, and my husband CHOSE the path of his own life. To this day, we still set aside a night to pray together. There is STRENGTH in numbers! Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." (NIV) And we pray IN Jesus' Name. There is power in praying scripture, which is God's Word.
This has been the cornerstone in my life. It has been the act of servanthood in prayer that has helped to keep me strong. Prayer is my communication with God. Communication with God is the basis of my relationship with Him. My relationship with Him includes EVERY part of my life...when I am on the right path, or even when I have CHOSEN a detour. I always find my way back using GPS: God's Personal Signals!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Six Degrees of Separation
Current mood: grateful
Category: Friends
They say we are all connected with one another within six degrees of separation. I even watched a test show on this theory...and both candidates WERE able to connect within six contacts...I was intrigued to say the least!
Tonight I had dinner with three very special ladies! On the way to the restaurant, I realized that we all had something in common with each other. Mind you, me being the social planner (even in college), I am the one always inviting everyone along for the outing! I was getting to see two girlfriends from college...one of whom I knew a little...and her best friend, that I didn't really know personally, but have gotten to know more lately. I automatically invited another girlfriend, who also is a mom and needs a break and time away with girlfriends. I forget sometimes that it may be strange for someone to meet others they don't know...but it didn't seem weird at all. Of course, I KNOW how to pick COOL FRIENDS!!!!
It was a night of being free to be ourselves. Who we are. What we want. What we don't like. What we need. Ironically, we all seemed to say the same thing! Even though we live in different places, have different lives, dealing with different issues...we are alike. WE are women trying to live our lives the best we can, while raising our children to have a better life than we have had!
The question was posed to me, "how can all of us sitting here be going through the same kinds of stuff? does everyone go through things...or just us?" I actually have other close friends that have and/or going through similar situations now. So its not just the four us at dinner tonight.
So here's to my girls!!! Keep on keeping on...
CHEERS!!!
Category: Friends
They say we are all connected with one another within six degrees of separation. I even watched a test show on this theory...and both candidates WERE able to connect within six contacts...I was intrigued to say the least!
Tonight I had dinner with three very special ladies! On the way to the restaurant, I realized that we all had something in common with each other. Mind you, me being the social planner (even in college), I am the one always inviting everyone along for the outing! I was getting to see two girlfriends from college...one of whom I knew a little...and her best friend, that I didn't really know personally, but have gotten to know more lately. I automatically invited another girlfriend, who also is a mom and needs a break and time away with girlfriends. I forget sometimes that it may be strange for someone to meet others they don't know...but it didn't seem weird at all. Of course, I KNOW how to pick COOL FRIENDS!!!!
It was a night of being free to be ourselves. Who we are. What we want. What we don't like. What we need. Ironically, we all seemed to say the same thing! Even though we live in different places, have different lives, dealing with different issues...we are alike. WE are women trying to live our lives the best we can, while raising our children to have a better life than we have had!
The question was posed to me, "how can all of us sitting here be going through the same kinds of stuff? does everyone go through things...or just us?" I actually have other close friends that have and/or going through similar situations now. So its not just the four us at dinner tonight.
So here's to my girls!!! Keep on keeping on...
CHEERS!!!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
A Window to the Past...
In reflection on my past, that was inspired by my FRIENDS...here is a glimpse from that window:
6/7/99 - Lord, I'm still really struggling inside. I know you are doing a healing work in my heart and life. However, I don't know what I feel right now. Paul actually wanted me to talk about what's on my mind, but I don't really know. I feel lost -- like I'm caught between two realms.
11/29/00 - Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you for revealing the truth to me tonight despite the enormity of the situation and the seriousness of it all. Thankfully, I was on the phone with Jillisa when it was first shown to me. At first I was talking and weeping about my feeling lonely and sad, then I realized it had nothing to do with Paul but my issue of abandonment even from my parents. She said this truly will be the time I have to take to learn to love me - Joy. That's deeper than I was thinking, but so very true. I was raised believing you didn't think about yourself first, you love your neighbor NOT yourself, BUT God says "love your neighbor AS yourself". Hmmm....how screwed up is that Christian doctrine? I have to wonder if it weren't better if I hadn't been taught what I was from the Bible. Some teachings have caused me more harm than good. However, I'm very glad that God, HIMSELF, has been real to me and has walked with me and protected me. I believe HE has directed my life and I'm very glad that I've stayed on His path and chosen to live as a Christian. Back to the topic...All my life it was drilled into me the J-O-Y method: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I was in college when I realized that its yourself THIRD, then all the other stuff. I even gave a campaign speech in college on this theme. Now...I'm not so sure how much I agree with this philosophy at all.
Alright, Jillisa said to learn to "feel" my emotions and work through them. When I started feeling sick, instead of gutting it up and suppressing it, I went to the bathroom and was crying and heaving and threw up. Then I leaned against the wall and prayed and God hugged me with His arms of love. I feel 10 years wiser. Thank you God for rescuing me and my children from the entrapment of incest and sexual, verbal abuse! Thank you Jesus for Your power and mercy. You have broken the curse of this sickness from my offspring! Lord, I pray that you will reach out to Paul, wherever he is...and give him healing too.
9/30/01 - I confess...I have been putting off journaling for some time now. I have been going to therapy which has alleviated the majority of my journaling. However, in the past few months I have had a lot on my plate to balance. But the great part is that I've not given up!! God has continually blessed me despite the times I've started to doubt him. I do have a lot to get off my chest at this time. In fact, last night, I even called the hotline for the first time. I was feeling very alone and scared that I failed my kids. Jillisa was asleep already and Tonya was playing a game with Chad, so I still found a way to reach out for support instead of freaking out. Anyway, I start my brand new job tomorrow morning!! Thank you God for providing our needs. Thank you for Your peace I've begun to feel as I've opened my heart to pour my thoughts into my journal. I feel so certain that I have begun a new chapter in my life and my growth is going yet one more step farther. I never really thought I'd feel this good about my life, but I do! Continue to teach me, Lord!
6/7/99 - Lord, I'm still really struggling inside. I know you are doing a healing work in my heart and life. However, I don't know what I feel right now. Paul actually wanted me to talk about what's on my mind, but I don't really know. I feel lost -- like I'm caught between two realms.
11/29/00 - Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you for revealing the truth to me tonight despite the enormity of the situation and the seriousness of it all. Thankfully, I was on the phone with Jillisa when it was first shown to me. At first I was talking and weeping about my feeling lonely and sad, then I realized it had nothing to do with Paul but my issue of abandonment even from my parents. She said this truly will be the time I have to take to learn to love me - Joy. That's deeper than I was thinking, but so very true. I was raised believing you didn't think about yourself first, you love your neighbor NOT yourself, BUT God says "love your neighbor AS yourself". Hmmm....how screwed up is that Christian doctrine? I have to wonder if it weren't better if I hadn't been taught what I was from the Bible. Some teachings have caused me more harm than good. However, I'm very glad that God, HIMSELF, has been real to me and has walked with me and protected me. I believe HE has directed my life and I'm very glad that I've stayed on His path and chosen to live as a Christian. Back to the topic...All my life it was drilled into me the J-O-Y method: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I was in college when I realized that its yourself THIRD, then all the other stuff. I even gave a campaign speech in college on this theme. Now...I'm not so sure how much I agree with this philosophy at all.
Alright, Jillisa said to learn to "feel" my emotions and work through them. When I started feeling sick, instead of gutting it up and suppressing it, I went to the bathroom and was crying and heaving and threw up. Then I leaned against the wall and prayed and God hugged me with His arms of love. I feel 10 years wiser. Thank you God for rescuing me and my children from the entrapment of incest and sexual, verbal abuse! Thank you Jesus for Your power and mercy. You have broken the curse of this sickness from my offspring! Lord, I pray that you will reach out to Paul, wherever he is...and give him healing too.
9/30/01 - I confess...I have been putting off journaling for some time now. I have been going to therapy which has alleviated the majority of my journaling. However, in the past few months I have had a lot on my plate to balance. But the great part is that I've not given up!! God has continually blessed me despite the times I've started to doubt him. I do have a lot to get off my chest at this time. In fact, last night, I even called the hotline for the first time. I was feeling very alone and scared that I failed my kids. Jillisa was asleep already and Tonya was playing a game with Chad, so I still found a way to reach out for support instead of freaking out. Anyway, I start my brand new job tomorrow morning!! Thank you God for providing our needs. Thank you for Your peace I've begun to feel as I've opened my heart to pour my thoughts into my journal. I feel so certain that I have begun a new chapter in my life and my growth is going yet one more step farther. I never really thought I'd feel this good about my life, but I do! Continue to teach me, Lord!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Heartache
My heart aches, Lord...not for me and my life's trials...but for my dear friends...
I read a story in my email today about our trials/tribulations creating "holes" in the tapestry of our life...and how its through those "holes" that YOU are revealed; YOUR light shines through.
This is how I have dedicated my life's story to You, Lord. I keep the saying from Max Lucado, that "It's NOT about me; It's about YOU" as my cell phone banner. Truly, this is my heart's cry.
As I began my journey from my marriage into single-motherhood, I always hoped that my story would one day encourage others. You have brought so many special women into my life where I am so honored to call them FRIENDS. Just as You have given me friends and mentors with unconditional love and support, I have offered my heart to love, my ears to listen, my shoulder to cry on, and my arms to hug.
So how come my heart aches?
I desperately seek to enable others to succeed in life, NOT travel down the broken-hearted road of divorce. How can I give them HOPE, Lord?
My tears are not for the hurt they are experiencing or have experienced, but for the anguish they have yet to experience.
Lord, I pray for me.
I pray for my FRIENDS.
Friendship to endure all things. Mothering advice in raising children. Hope when life alone is depressing. Prayer when funds are short.
Laughter with the silly things. Snapshots of the memories.
Strength in YOU,
...and joy in our heart.
I read a story in my email today about our trials/tribulations creating "holes" in the tapestry of our life...and how its through those "holes" that YOU are revealed; YOUR light shines through.
This is how I have dedicated my life's story to You, Lord. I keep the saying from Max Lucado, that "It's NOT about me; It's about YOU" as my cell phone banner. Truly, this is my heart's cry.
As I began my journey from my marriage into single-motherhood, I always hoped that my story would one day encourage others. You have brought so many special women into my life where I am so honored to call them FRIENDS. Just as You have given me friends and mentors with unconditional love and support, I have offered my heart to love, my ears to listen, my shoulder to cry on, and my arms to hug.
So how come my heart aches?
I desperately seek to enable others to succeed in life, NOT travel down the broken-hearted road of divorce. How can I give them HOPE, Lord?
My tears are not for the hurt they are experiencing or have experienced, but for the anguish they have yet to experience.
Lord, I pray for me.
I pray for my FRIENDS.
Friendship to endure all things. Mothering advice in raising children. Hope when life alone is depressing. Prayer when funds are short.
Laughter with the silly things. Snapshots of the memories.
Strength in YOU,
...and joy in our heart.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Dating in the City
For those that know me...will know I have more than my share of dating stories! Now that I am at a new place of employment, well, I have a new audience...lol! So in sharing some of my tales with my new cubemate and watching her laugh so hard tears were appearing in her eyes, I decided it was time to get some of them down in print. One disclosure, NOT ALL of the stories are from personal experience, but were personally observed!
I have made my own list of "RULES" for the single gal:
1. Don't meet a guy at a bar...because when he walks you to your car, you may just find that he isn't even as tall as you!
2. Don't meet a guy just for drinks...because when he goes to kiss you goodnight, he is too dehydrated and ends up lapping at your mouth like a dog in search of water.
3. When you meet a guy online and his "roommate" responds to your IMs...get the Heck Away from him...that's NOT his "roommate" ladies!
4. When he pulls into the drive-thru at Jack-in-the-Box...get out of the car and call for a taxi!
5. If he tells you that, "sorry, he must have left his wallet in his car"...he is a LOSER!!!
6. When he pulls up in a mini-van...more times than not, he is still married.
7. If he is constantly getting calls or text messages while you are out for coffee...he hasn't let go of the past with his ex-wife.
8. If ALL of his friends are female, then he IS a player...men really can't be "just friends" with THAT MANY women.
9. If he says you can only order off the dollar menu...then order 10 items to make it worth the date!
10. If he asks you to drive your car because his needs repairs, then he is definitely not worth seeing again...can you only imagine what you will be driving if you were dating him?!
I have made my own list of "RULES" for the single gal:
1. Don't meet a guy at a bar...because when he walks you to your car, you may just find that he isn't even as tall as you!
2. Don't meet a guy just for drinks...because when he goes to kiss you goodnight, he is too dehydrated and ends up lapping at your mouth like a dog in search of water.
3. When you meet a guy online and his "roommate" responds to your IMs...get the Heck Away from him...that's NOT his "roommate" ladies!
4. When he pulls into the drive-thru at Jack-in-the-Box...get out of the car and call for a taxi!
5. If he tells you that, "sorry, he must have left his wallet in his car"...he is a LOSER!!!
6. When he pulls up in a mini-van...more times than not, he is still married.
7. If he is constantly getting calls or text messages while you are out for coffee...he hasn't let go of the past with his ex-wife.
8. If ALL of his friends are female, then he IS a player...men really can't be "just friends" with THAT MANY women.
9. If he says you can only order off the dollar menu...then order 10 items to make it worth the date!
10. If he asks you to drive your car because his needs repairs, then he is definitely not worth seeing again...can you only imagine what you will be driving if you were dating him?!
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