My Second Date

As I have been looking for a church home over the last year, I realized that its very similar to "dating". How so, you ask?

I KNOW exactly what I am looking for: qualities, chemistry, fulfillment, interaction, and so on. As in dating, I KNOW what I am looking for in a match.

In dating, I usually take the time to get to know some things about the person. Talk to them on the phone for a little bit. Then schedule the meeting. I like to keep it to 15-30 mins, so that its not wasting anyone's time or energy IF there is not a "click".

I realized that its the same principles that I use in "dating" to find a church. I research them online, get directions, send an email to ask some questions about their programs. Then I go for the "visit". IF the music isn't there and I don't feel the "click" or connection during the service.

I know its going to sound weird to some of you that read this...that how could I ever "accept or reject" a church based on the little interaction of a first or second "date". I think it really comes down to life experience...and what you want in life, a church, and a future spouse.

I sometimes even wonder if I have spent too much time in Customer Service to expect a certain level of "contact" from a church to a visitor. Those of you that know me, know I am not adverse to bringing an issue to the attention of the responsible manager. BUT I am also always one of those people that send compliments or thank you notes on a job done over and beyond!

So my dilema is this. If this is the way I operate in the real world, why should I not operate this way in the church world? Remember I am looking for a "church family" to call home.

Last weekend...I had a "second" date with a nearby church on Saturday night...and then a "first" date with another church the next morning. (I laughingly mentioned to T, that since I sworn off dating, I guess I am now "dating" churches...but at least I am keeping busy when my kids are gone.)

On Saturday night, I was very warmly greeted by the pianist. She made me feel very comfortable there. But in spite of the comfortable feeling, there was no life in the church. Everyone just sang straight-faced and I left feeling empty, like I had wasted my time.

On Sunday morning, I drove 24 miles one way to visit another church. The music was great! The pastor's message was great! Even though they went way over on time, because they had baby dedication, it was the first time in a year that I had felt like I had been to church. My soul felt alive.

After the service was over, I was going to drop my visitor's card into the "box by the door". When I couldn't find it, I stopped by the information table. I was curtly answered that "um, yeah, there is a box in there...you just have to look for it". I was quite offended. First, if someone asked you that, then you would assume they are visiting. Second, then offer to take the card for them to get to the right place. Third, introduce yourself. But no. Lack of customer service, if you ask me. I did receive a nice email thanking me for a visit. (For the record, I don't mind emails at all...so its not impersonal to me as to some.) I responded tactfully regarding the situation, in which he apologized.

So tonight, I had a "second" date with another church. The music was pretty good. But, my goodness...the only ones singing were on the stage. The entire church stayed sitting down through all the music. Can you believe it?

The sad thing is that I do KNOW what I am looking for in a church. I am looking for something that is similar to my old church. Why don't I swallow my pride and go back there, you ask? Well, it's just like dating the wrong person. Once you see that it's unhealthy and not what you need in your life, then you remove yourself from the situation.

So how can I say I miss that, if it was wrong for me? Maybe it's more that I miss "what I thought I had there" at that church. Which is what ultimately brought things to an end for me. Just like I miss "what I wish I had in a relationship". Even though I am better off being a single mom than dating the wrong person.

So still I continue my quest. But I really have to ask myself honestly...since I swore off dating because its a waste of time and energy, should I call off searching for a church too? Am I better off participating with my small group (from my old church) and listening to Christian worship music in my own home...where I am more fulfilled than going to a lifeless church service, and wasting my time?

Polls show....

Ah ha! So now I know why I have such a tough time in the dating realm!!! It really isn't me at all!

(BTW, just for kicks I posted my pic on Hot or Not...at first I came in with a 7.7 rating...but I goofed it up and accidentally deleted the score...so it started over again...but this time at a 6.2 and moving up to 6.5...lol!)

However, according to the Census Bureau, Unmarried Households Reign in the US. NO, this is not a comforting thought by any means...because it tells how many families are being torn apart by divorce or "alternative lifestyles". It does tell me why my competition is so tough. There are 14 million single women to only 5 million single men. How is that for odds?! Horrible!! And, goodness, there are 36.7 million who have decided the traditional family is not their choice. Ugh!

I would love to do a survey to see how many of these 14 million women have as much going for them as I feel I do. And to see how many of the 5 million men are actually Christian men. I am sure that I would be VERY disappointed in that last number, however, I do believe I have a lot more together for my life than most single women...because I have leaned on God's grace and strength.

To twist a famous quote from Seinfeld: "It's NOT me...it's YOU!"

So there! :P

CLICK

I just watched the movie CLICK starring Adam Sandler tonight, and I got to thinking (after crying, that is...lol!) Without giving away the movie, I will try to keep my surmising to a minimal.

What if we really could "fast-forward" parts of our life?

Don't we already try to do that in society today? We have revolutionized the Fast Food Industry and Pay at the Pump features...along with drive-thru pharmacies. (Now, I think that Walgreen's was genius for that idea...because who really feels like going INTO the store when you are sick...and who wants to shop around sick people?? NOT ME!)

And what if we really did run on "auto-pilot"?

Don't we already function in many tasks without realizing what we are doing? Many times, I have found myself driving home and pulling into the parking space without "remembering" the actual driving part of the trip. Scary, huh?

I think we can apply this "auto-pilot" mode to several areas of our lives. For example, this is for those of you that are married/or were married...don't we get into a rut of the goodnight kiss, etc? Isn't it more "going through the motions"? (you will get a kick out of this topic in the movie)

What about our parenting? Don't we say "humm?" or "what do you want?" automatically...then realize that we did hear what they asked? I know I have given my children the automatic answer of No, then realized that wasn't the right response...lol!

What about in our spiritual life? We pray automatically for our meals....even in public. We pray for God's blessing on our day and for protection for our kids. We pray for our "needs" and always have plenty of requests for God...but what about just true communication with HIM? My father instilled in me at a young age to not just go to God "asking" for things...but tell Him, how thankful you are first. It does show appreciation....just as you would feel if your child thanked for you for a great meal BEFORE asking for ice cream!

Anyway, I have lived much of my life just "waiting" to get to that next point or goal in my life. I was married to someone who also lived that way. Then during the three agonizing years of my divorce case, I really did live in wait for the finalization. However, after reaching that point, I made it my goal to establish a "home" for my children.

Today, I celebrate that mile-marker by signing my 4th year lease in our apartment. Next year will be the year, I have dreamed of owning my own home. It has been and will continue to be a step-by-step process as I have learned to make the short-term goals WITHIN the long-term goals. I don't want to live on "auto-pilot" and just be working a job to reach my goals and miss out LIVING life with my boys!

Honestly, when I was working my job by focusing on 6-month increments...I was there almost 3 years. And in God's time, He brought me to a new position, which far exceeds my expectations or dreams. What if I had only "wished away" or "fast-forwarded" my life to this point? I sure would have missed on a lot of God's miracles!!!!

I challenge you to slow down and live life with your family. Take time for communication with God. Don't CLICK to the next chapter in your life. You may not be prepared for that next segment. Trust HIM! He is the author of your biography.

How can it be?

I wish that I could write a deep and insightful blog like Dust...but mine just tumble out with disbelief...

Scenerio:
If one person commits an act of some sort, then by Newton's Third Law of Motion, there WILL BE: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Does this apply to the emotional realm? Does it apply to the spiritual realm?

If so, then doesn't the REaction apply directly to the ACTion? This is known as "action-reaction force pairs".

What force is the CAUSE of the ACTion? Therefore, isn't this statement true: who is pushing on who. and in what direction?

How, then, can it be that an outside force is responsible for the REaction?

I know the answer and I am sure that you do too.

How can it be that many others don't??????

Or maybe they REFUSE to admit they "know" the answer?

ER again!

After T posted her blog about the show ER last week...and I watched parts of it while playing GIN online with her...I was more prone to tune in this week. Of course, it helped that they were running commercials all week about the "dad" from FRAZIER (John Mahoney) being on the show this week, as well as John Stamos, who will be a regular.

There were always a couple that I still really liked...but once George Clooney moved on...my loyalty faded...lol!

Now that I have a couple of interesting characters to watch...then I guess I landed back in the ER for this season!