My Second Date

As I have been looking for a church home over the last year, I realized that its very similar to "dating". How so, you ask?

I KNOW exactly what I am looking for: qualities, chemistry, fulfillment, interaction, and so on. As in dating, I KNOW what I am looking for in a match.

In dating, I usually take the time to get to know some things about the person. Talk to them on the phone for a little bit. Then schedule the meeting. I like to keep it to 15-30 mins, so that its not wasting anyone's time or energy IF there is not a "click".

I realized that its the same principles that I use in "dating" to find a church. I research them online, get directions, send an email to ask some questions about their programs. Then I go for the "visit". IF the music isn't there and I don't feel the "click" or connection during the service.

I know its going to sound weird to some of you that read this...that how could I ever "accept or reject" a church based on the little interaction of a first or second "date". I think it really comes down to life experience...and what you want in life, a church, and a future spouse.

I sometimes even wonder if I have spent too much time in Customer Service to expect a certain level of "contact" from a church to a visitor. Those of you that know me, know I am not adverse to bringing an issue to the attention of the responsible manager. BUT I am also always one of those people that send compliments or thank you notes on a job done over and beyond!

So my dilema is this. If this is the way I operate in the real world, why should I not operate this way in the church world? Remember I am looking for a "church family" to call home.

Last weekend...I had a "second" date with a nearby church on Saturday night...and then a "first" date with another church the next morning. (I laughingly mentioned to T, that since I sworn off dating, I guess I am now "dating" churches...but at least I am keeping busy when my kids are gone.)

On Saturday night, I was very warmly greeted by the pianist. She made me feel very comfortable there. But in spite of the comfortable feeling, there was no life in the church. Everyone just sang straight-faced and I left feeling empty, like I had wasted my time.

On Sunday morning, I drove 24 miles one way to visit another church. The music was great! The pastor's message was great! Even though they went way over on time, because they had baby dedication, it was the first time in a year that I had felt like I had been to church. My soul felt alive.

After the service was over, I was going to drop my visitor's card into the "box by the door". When I couldn't find it, I stopped by the information table. I was curtly answered that "um, yeah, there is a box in there...you just have to look for it". I was quite offended. First, if someone asked you that, then you would assume they are visiting. Second, then offer to take the card for them to get to the right place. Third, introduce yourself. But no. Lack of customer service, if you ask me. I did receive a nice email thanking me for a visit. (For the record, I don't mind emails at all...so its not impersonal to me as to some.) I responded tactfully regarding the situation, in which he apologized.

So tonight, I had a "second" date with another church. The music was pretty good. But, my goodness...the only ones singing were on the stage. The entire church stayed sitting down through all the music. Can you believe it?

The sad thing is that I do KNOW what I am looking for in a church. I am looking for something that is similar to my old church. Why don't I swallow my pride and go back there, you ask? Well, it's just like dating the wrong person. Once you see that it's unhealthy and not what you need in your life, then you remove yourself from the situation.

So how can I say I miss that, if it was wrong for me? Maybe it's more that I miss "what I thought I had there" at that church. Which is what ultimately brought things to an end for me. Just like I miss "what I wish I had in a relationship". Even though I am better off being a single mom than dating the wrong person.

So still I continue my quest. But I really have to ask myself honestly...since I swore off dating because its a waste of time and energy, should I call off searching for a church too? Am I better off participating with my small group (from my old church) and listening to Christian worship music in my own home...where I am more fulfilled than going to a lifeless church service, and wasting my time?