First of all, a recap of the missing year of journaling in my life:
When someone told me that God has promised that 2009 was "the year of healing and restoration in families", I actually laughed out loud. I thought, "well, goody for you, mister, you just don't know about MY family"..."I've prayed about my family for 15 years and NOTHING I ever do is pleasing to them"..."so, okay, let's see if God really told you this promise".
For someone that was raised in church, but found my own relationship with God over the years, this was probably the most sarcastic I have ever been about God. It made me feel sick that I had such a low expectation of God. Afterall, He had brought me up from such low places, enabled me to become a very strong woman and guided me in single-parenting...why would I think He wouldn't come through for me in regards to my family.
I believe the starting point of my healing was in February, when my oldest son was admitted to a week's stay at a mental hospital for suicidal depression. He had been struggling with this for a couple of years and I had tried every solution for help that I could (much prayer, health supplements, better sleeping habits, aromatherapy, counseling, teaching him to pray & journal), I knew it was a more serious problem when he was making comments at school. Even though it was one the hardest things I ever had to do for my child, in a way, it was one of the best things I could have done for him. I bought him a grown up Bible and he was reading it on his own. He came home with a loving attitude and appreciation for me, his mom. For me, it was at that moment of no control that I learned to lean on God for His support...again!
The next opportunity God used in the process of healing my heart was when I attended the Women of Faith Conference in Indianapolis with my best friend, T. I had attended many WOF conferences before and always came away lifted up and spiritually encouraged. This year was quite opposite. Not that it wasn't inspiring...it was. But the speakers all shared very deep and personal heartaches with us. We laughed together, cried together and prayed together. There was a supernatural healing presence in this huge auditorium...and God KNEW just which seat I was sitting in. Little by little, the layers that had protected the hurt in my heart from my family were slowly being pulled away. God was using my tears to cleanse the grit that had seeped in causing so many little irritations that caused pain every time I even thought about my family. Mind you, I LONGED for healing and wholeness...I longed to be loved and accepted by my family...I longed for my children to have happy times with their grandparents (something I never had).
So from May to June, God was super busy! I had the opportunity to sit across from my father at my own kitchen table and talk for 2 1/2 hours. We cried together, we forgave together and we healed together. Wow, I always longed for a hug from my dad that made me feel safe and loved.
During the rest of the year, my healing had its ups and downs. As the layers come off, there is a vulnerability that is quite scary. I mean, 15 years is a long time for scar tissue to build up, and is quite painful when removed.
Some of the miracles and setbacks that took place include: In August, I received good news that I was approved for a 3-br townhouse on a Friday...and was told the next Monday that my job was being eliminated. (Where are you, God? It's me, Joy!) I continued the moving process for October 3rd and was extremely grateful to God...as HE DOES KNOW BEST! I was given the blessing of being paid through October, but released from duties, which allowed my full attention on sorting/packing for my move.
During this time, the boys had started back to school. Both of them on ADD medicine and one on an antidepressant. Copays were still expensive on all of these meds, not to mention my acid reflux med. So far, things were improving for the boys at school and both boys received all A's and B's...something that has never happened in all their years of school previously. They both test with high scores and high IQ's, so they both were given an IEP to allow more 1:1 time with their teachers. I believe this was a blessing from God to give them a room assignment where its okay for boys to be a little fidgety in their seat.
With the time off from work, I was able to spend more time in prayer and reading the Bible. My relationship with God was strong in prayer and praise, but not so much in reading the Word. Through this personal time with God, He began to bring me into alignment with Him. He brought me to focus on Him and not what others say or do. I learned that He is the Almighty Healer...for physical and emotional needs.
Then came the holidays.
Holidays are always tough for me. The boys have to split time with me and going to their dad's house. Holidays were always a special time for me growing up, so as a single parent for 9 years, it is still hard to be alone. Everyone is quick to invite you to Thanksgiving, but now, Christmas...not so much...they have plans with their family, they are so sorry, they say. Well, I was determined to have a wonderful family Christmas with my boys. The boys and I were safe and happy...we didn't need a lot of gifts. Besides, we were supporting Advent Conspiracy with our church and wanted to build relationships with each other.
Relationships, huh? Relationships with family? Well, it was a good year, God. Thanks for the healing. Thanks for the blessings of the year. Thanks for the opportunity to share my home with others when they need a haven of rest. Thanks for opening communication with my dad.
Then my brother called and said he had rented a cabin in Branson over the Christmas week and was inviting everyone down. YIKES! (Thankfully, he was there a week prior praying for our family visit.) Well, this would be the first time in 15 years that so many of us would be in one place. (I live in STL, my sister in Springfield, MO, my brother in Nashville, my folks and younger sisters in NC) I made plans to attend for all of us, not just the sake of my boys. I was determine to try...again. Of course, when following Christ, we will meet with opposition. And, hoo boy, did "hell" break loose the day before I was to leave...almost causing me to change my plans. Instead, I was able to call my father for encouragement. I even told him that I really needed him to be my dad and explained the situation that had been thrown my way. He was wise in responding and asked me "what was the reason I was going to attend the family gathering...to remember that and not be robbed of a blessing by not going". Wow, what a blessing it turned out to be.
God was still healing me on my drive to Branson and the silly little drive to Walmart with my mother. For the first time, in my adult life, I actually felt love for my mother and could hug her genuinely. I even enjoyed the trip to Walmart with her and my sister! Sounds crazy, I know, but God was still working to fulfill His Promise...it was the last week of December! I have posted a family pic to prove God's faithfulness. We laughed together, cried together, forgave together, healed together and prayed together. If I had not been there to see it myself, I would have never believed it could happen.
I want to share with you that God will keep His promises, but He also wants to bless you with more than just keeping His promises. After the Christmas week at the miracle cabin in Branson, my parents came to see us in STL and spend several days with us through New Year's. This was a great visit for all of us, but it was fun to see my boys getting time with their maternal grandparents. I got to spend time with my little sister as we are both adults now. I have that emotional connection with my family that has been missing all my life.
Thank you, my Heavenly Father!
Christmas Day 2009 -My family with 4 of 5 siblings...I know God has my baby sister in His Hands!
1 comment:
Hey there Jadee...I read this the other day, forgot to comment. Just want to let you know that I think it's great that you are getting the healing and restoration that you need with your family! PTL.
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